SELF DELETION: A GUIDED TOUR

(with notes)

SUBTITLED:

ANOTHER RUBBER BULLET FOR AN IRON BABOON

a totally unrelated introduction

In short this a fart in a calender, yes, calender. Don't read this. Its in poor taste and probably aims to offend you; to upset what you have firmly established as your apple cart, and probably try and aid the further tipping of my own.

Seriously, you have some better shit to do. Hows your wallet? Hows your groin? Hows your soul, your spirituality? Do you relate to them more than you relate to your husband, wife, "partner"? Do they mean more to you than the death of someone you don't know? What about some one you do know?....Good I too am scared of not knowing where these things are, as they and i are inseparable.

Yes, i know that's obvious with the groin, and the wallet is a nice comment on possession of self by material things and you have heard all this before and, furthermore, have totally assimilated it into your "being", hence freeing your perception.

Bull.

And neither have I.

However, I, or rather we (yep, that book has been read...), and quite possibly you have already successfully managed to loosen ourselves a little....haven't we?

We are GOOD children, Aren't we.

Do you ever write things on your blog and imagine the news announcing;

"S/he wrote dark and disturbing material on the web."

Do you reckon they say that even if all you publish is pictures of your cat doing hilarious things with a ball of twine, and pictures of your demented, worthless, and oh so spectacular off-spring?

Wouldn't it then be appropriate?

"Hir online log contained pictures of no meaning or relevance to her actual cognition or emotional state. This could be because s/he was in a form of denial..."

HAVE YOU STOPPED READING YET?

GOOD

1. BE HONEST..... AND REALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Yes, it is understood that this ethos is generally regarded as being a good method of achieving some form of "goodness" in ones character. Indeed, it is an attribute we often (or not) think we perceive in others, and some of you may even believe that you are in possession of it. Perhaps you are...in fact i think you are THE exception... It is a founding concept to be discovered in almost every religion the race has choked forth, but i stipulate that this perception does not adhere to the reality of it at all. How can any faith that with one breath states honesty to be essential, and with the next deems certain things wrong to think or do ever be taken seriously? What if that is not the way you honestly feel? What hope of redemption is there in the eyes of any gOD with an inescapable bind like that. How, prithee, may the same book say, earnestly and with good reason "know thy self" and also say that you MUST NOT do or think certain things? Where was the continuity editor, he should have been nailed to the cross!....So let's start with a gentle notion for today's metro-sexual, oh so liberated, "its cool to be Bi" western society - you and i have thought about fucking some one of our own sex. Easy, see? Possibly to easy for some of you....You have at least one thing that turns you on that you would feel humiliated if someone else knew, in fact you are so disgusted that if you think that way at all that you push the thought away...Christ, we are making really healthy monkeys in your name....sorry. Being honest with yourself and admitting that you really want to sleep with X even though your in a "relationship" with Y, or that you don't like going to church because its just dull is hard, and these are a few of the easier ones, so from time to time you will fuck up. When you do maybe you will say "Ah well its a pile of shit anyway! Its thinking to much...i want to be free, man" or some other such justification.....but hang on, be honest. This is a step toward self deletion, if you can't see why then you need it more than most and your mountain is a tad steeper; get climbing.
2. Embarrass YOURSELF. Not by mistake, that's to easy, purposefully. I couldn't give a fuck if your Gandhi or the like, you need this. And no getting off with coy "this embarrassment makes me sexy" bullshit; speaking from experience that fucks up the entire experiment. If you do his immediately admit that this was your intention and hence succeed through your failure two-fold. Over time this practice, and it should be a practice, will become harder as you will have to constantly raise your own game....think about it, (here's what i thought) Isn't it amazing that you can improve your confidence simply by taking ownership of the embarrassment you feel? Suddenly embarrassment is self inflicted and you are in control and its improving you. Put that in yourself help pipe, and toke hard. You can easily combine this concept with the previous one.
3. REAPPLY TO MANY OTHERS. As above but to guilt (you feel it about something, why not feel it about many things, at your own discretion) envy, loneliness, pain...the list ends where you feel it should, take your pick, but think about it first. The objective is take things that "happen to you" and change them into something you happen to do, whilst using them as a tool for personal deletion. The objective is not to end up a gibbering wreck in the corner. Be patient; a new-be body builder doesn't go for the heaviest bar first, they would fuck themselves up, so start small.

There will be more of these in the future so please do drop by.

I apologise for how this must sound like some form of, from a mountain top preaching pretension. It is exactly that. I have a messiah complex and this is my exercise yard so that it doesn't keep spilling into the rest of my life where i didn't invite it and screw with my sex life and the production of less pretentious work.

I should probably get a life and stop doing shit like this in the small hours of the morning, but there, my loneliness compels me to seek genuine relation to people, not some pretense of self.

I'm so full of shit.

(see its easy when you try)